Greetings, Earth-peoples, it’s me, Glorken!

Yesterday, I bought The Urban Spaceman a super cool bag for carrying scientific equipment around, and thought I would share with you the item’s baffling care instructions!
1. Leather: Keep it from Mars
But it’s okay to take it to Venus?
2. Cotton fabrics: Not exposure in the sun
Interesting…
3. Knitting, Lace Clothing: Stored separately from different depth color, prevent the shadow color or turning yellow.
But what if it’s already yellow?
4. Fur, leather, etc: Avoid the sun and the rain.
Only use indoors or on dry, cloudy days?
5: White Clothing: Put the clothes separately with other clothes when washing.
A complex enigma!

Simply complex
Do you Earth-peoples have any other examples of baffling instructions to share?

Mars — hazardous to leather!
An irregular drumbeat filled the air, a series of staccato thuds that set Anneka’s heart racing. She felt it in her chest, in her mind, caressing her skin, filling her from head to toe, making her body twitch as she swayed to the primal pulse. As she reached for the door, the trill of a flute joined the beat of the drum, its melody intertwining around the heavy staccato. A smile tugged at one corner of her lips. The place sounded in full swing tonight.
Inside Xanadu, the main lights had been dimmed. A rainbow of spotlights aimed at a large disco ball sent firefly reflections dancing around the room, skimming over walls and patrons alike, painting them all the same regardless of skin tone and gender. Here, they had more in common than they did in difference. They were all artists. All criminals. All risking their lives to express themselves.
Hello!

scale – 1:1
My name is Glorken, and I’m The Urban Spaceman’s best and only friend! I help TUS with scientific experimentation and reports to the Homeworld.
Today I’m reporting on something that is super important to human beings: Friendship!
There are many different forms of friendship that human beings engage in. These range from colleagueism (a predominantly work-based friendship in which humans may only tolerate, or pretend to like, each other) to BFFism (Best Friends Forever). There is also bromance (a close friendship between brothers, though human beings often call a person “brother” even when there is no blood relationship) and sisterhood (a place women can go to hide out from their murderous mafia boyfriends).
Here are some examples of great friendships:
Date: 23rd March, 2096
Location: Classified
Journal Log: Dr. Marsden
This will be my final journal entry. Earlier today, I powered down the facility’s generator. The battery back-up will last an hour, maybe two. After that, the computers will go offline. Oxygen will cease to be recycled shortly after. Last to go will be the lights, but I intend to be gone before then. I may very well be the last human on the entire planet, and the thought is… sobering.
Fox came upon a family of crows circling an old oak tree. Head cocked, he barked up to them, “Crows, why are you circling around up there?”
“We’re waiting for our next meal!” the carrion-eaters cawed back.

Farmer sighted down his gun, saw a bushy red tail with a creamy-white tip. Gently, he squeezed the trigger.
The chickens will be safe tonight.

Mama Crow called her fully fledged chicks back down to the branches of the oak. Their work was done, and now they settled in for a long wait.
Later, there would be scraps.

This has been a Fox & Crow story inspired by this #writephoto prompt from Sue Vincent. Check out Sue’s blog for other wing-related stories.
Hello!

scale – 1:1
My name is Glorken, and I’m The Urban Spaceman’s best and only friend! I help TUS with scientific experimentation and reports to the Homeworld. Today, I’m reporting on the Earth’s potential as a lucrative tourist destination. Let’s take a look at this from the perspective of a potential investor/developer!
Many thanks to The Drabble, for posting my short story of childhood antics with long-lasting repercussions. Follow the link below to check out more excellent drabbles from writers across the interwebs.

Two weeks into summer break and bored out of their minds, Tommy and D.J. rode their bikes two miles to the abandoned church in the countryside. They spent three days chiselling the image of a giant penis into an outer wall, and the rest of the summer giggling over their artistic accomplishment.
In 2717, following the aftermath of the Earth-Venus conflict, two anthropologists from Mars University won the prestigious Hawking Prize, and a substantial credit grant, for their discovery of an ancient fertility pilgrimage site and its importance in proving how primitive terrestrial humans were obsessed with phallic worship.
Chuck Wending said write about an invasive species in less than 1500 words. So, I wrote about an invasive species in about 1200 words. These are letters from a soldier, and I hope they prove suitably entertaining. Pic source.
Dear Malisia
Please forgive me. Last night, as my soldiers lay exhausted and bleeding in an impromptu reprieve from battle, I realised it has been almost a month since my last letter to you. Though you are in my heart and mind every single day, reminding me of what I am fighting for, nothing can excuse my negligence. For that, I can only beg your forgiveness and understanding.
The group of histourists moved closer together as Clancy Deville led them along a familiar path through the ruins. As he walked, he pointed out features he knew would impress, and waited patiently as they snapped shots with their ocular visors. As soon as they got back to a stable extranet connection, those snaps would be sent back to Ceti Alpha and Terra Minor, where envious family members would soon be booking their own once-in-a-lifetime trips to see a little piece of history.
“Look over here,” said Clancy, directing the group off the beaten track towards a derelict house. He gestured to an elaborate iron door knocker, now green with age and weather, clinging precariously to the ancient wooden door. “This was how our ancestors announced their arrival at the home of their host. The gruesome countenance of this fellow was said to ward away evil spirits.”
A few of the group chuckled over the foolish superstition. “Oh look!” one woman cooed. She pointed to the plant that had adhered to the wall. Clancy was particularly proud of that one; it had taken several attempts to coax the ivy to grow up the trellis. It wasn’t so much cheating as adding authenticity. These people had paid good money to see ancient Earth, and he had overheads to cover.
“Yes,” he nodded, injecting gravity into his voice. “Nature is reclaiming the Earth. Soon, these ruins will be nothing more than forests and nesting sites for birds. It’s good that you came now, before it’s all gone. Now, who’d like to take a picture of themselves standing by the knocker?”
Clancy smiled as hands shot into the air. There had never been a more profitable time to be a histoury guide.

Today’s flash fiction hits two prompts. The first is Sue Vincent’s #writephoto prompt for this week. Please check out the other awesome contributions which will soon come pouring in to her site. The featured image is also by Sue.
The second is the BlogBattle prompt, Ruse.
Observations of The Urban Spaceman 

Things humans said